Thursday, August 7, 2008

had a heart to heart talk with ViviannDarling
yesterday afternoon on msn ..
we both are troubled with things around us ..
maybe we plainly need to talk to someone ..
vent out all our worries and problems ..

talked to JinLi on msn too ..
mainly is about the class ..
there is just some things that's bothering me ..
feeling rather upset / frustrated ..
simply don’t understand the logic of stuff ..
why am ii the one doing everything and
people are always just sitting down on it ..
as long as they present the PPT which ii am alone doing ..
they will have the almost the same grading as me ..

its like WTF ?!?! and comments given was ii didn’t contribute ..
COME ON ?! if ii am sick .. ii wont talk much ..
but that doesn’t mean that ii am not doing my part .. UNDERSTAND ??
what can ii say ?? the world is just simply this way ..

waking up every morning at 5.30am ..
thinking to myself ..
should ii attend school today ??
will ii be doing the work alone again ??
am ii able to once again accept the fact things are suppose to be this way ??

grandma mum dad brothers ..
do you know that ii dread to return home everyday ??
ii am just feeling totally hurt whenever ii am asked to do this and that ..
is it because since young ii am more depended on ?? ..
ii hate all those unnecessary stuff that ii was
blast into the ears every single minute ii am at home ..
regardless is it my doings ii will definitely be blame/linked to it ..
do you know the feeling is very unbearable ??

ii am born to be a stubborn girl ..
but all this doesn’t mean ii do not bother about the family ..
ii wanted to argue back many times ..
but ii just don’t wish to hurt the heart like what was did to me ..
ii really placed in second thoughts whenever ii wanted to speak to any of you now ..
because ii am really afraid of the unwanted/scarstic remarks ii get in return ..

on top of all this ..ii have been having sleepless nights
ever since the start of the HungryGhostFestival ..
does anyone knows that the feeling is very awful ..
when you are hearing sounds and things in the middle of the night ?
yar .. it is suppose to be a normal thing for me ..
but ii am just and still a normal girl ..

the only consolation ii get in is only ChengHao’s care ii guessed ..
ii know you care for me badly and
you wish that ii could enjoy every moment with you ..
and ii really do ..
ii am really sorry that ii caused you so much pain
for my attitude and all the things ii have done ..

looking at your care and concern you gave ..
ii feel deeply loved and at the same time hated you for that ..
you simply made me don’t understand why you could treat me so well
but not the people ii looking forward to .. like my family ..
ii hated you for making me felt that way ..
at the same time ii hated my parents for not being able to do this ..
am ii so unwanted by them ??

to others ii may look simply alright and perfect ..
deep in me … ii really want to be like anyone else
that needed love and care ..
wondering to myself ..
if one day ii am to leave everything aside and just fall dead ..
will ii be forgotten or blamed for ??

HUBBY , its just 3 words , 8 letters , 1 meaning - I ⓛⓞⓥⓔ YOU !!!
` [[ BABYvan ]] ♥
12:39 PM

Thursday, August 7, 2008

BABYvan ♥

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