Saturday, September 23, 2006

i dunno wats goin on me last night..quarreled with my ma..although its common for that..but last nite seems to b a hard one to survive..

i dunno how the quarrel starts..but i jus know that..my heart reali sinks veri deep down when A SLA[ came crossin down my face n words from my mum: YOUU DONT BELONG TO THIS FAMILY AT ALL!! YOU ARE JUST SOMEONE UNKNOWINGLY STEPPED INTO HERE !! UR BROTHERS ARE STILL THE ONE WHO WILL OUT SHINE YOU!! A BLACK SHEEP IN THIS FAMILY WIL NVE BE ABLE TO SURVIVE!! DONT EVER TALK ABOUT BEING ABLE TO GET ALONG WELL AGAIN LE!! WAT YOU HAVE TODAY IS ALL UR DOINGS!! BLAME NO ONE AND BLAME NO MORE !!

seriosly.till even now, this moment..i now still holds on to all the words said by mama..i dunno wat my mind is thinkin..i jus noe..for the whole of last nite..i wasnt even able to sleep..my mind is thinkin of so much..too much..alot of questions came poppin out into my mind..
WHAT KIND OF PERSON AM I?
HAVE I REALI MADE MY MUM SO UPSET??
DO I STILL HAVE MY FAMILY AROUND ME?
AM I REALI A LOSER?
DID I LET MY FAMILY DOWN?
WAT OTHER THINS HAVE I DONE WRONG??
ISIT REALI WAT I HAD NOW IS ALL MY OWN DOINGS??
WAHT CAN I DO TO MAKE MY MA PLEASE N HAPPY??

ever since this term..i have been reali working hard for my studies..hopin that by doing this i wil b able to get good reults..stop my sjab..come back home asap..oso tryin my best to tao hao my ma..but wat eva i do seems to make her angry..but it all dont work at all..i reali dunno wat to do..have the feelin of givin up..but there are always encourgment given from outside to me..

i dunno..i admit being a rebliouious gerl, a sturborn one last time..i make my frens n my cca more impt den anythin else..i told myself that..if i do that, i wil b able to get attraction from my parents..but..no..i didnt..in fact..it gt worst..they start to shu yuan wo..worst den i ever had in primary sch..den..im reali veri angry le..so i completely hate this family..!!! i biao ban jia li..show more attitude den i ever had..

but the sudden hot n cold given by my family is reali veri hard for me to accept..i had so much encourgagment form others..but nve once from my parents..I REALI WAN IT FROM U GUYS !! THATS THE BEST ENCOUAGMENT I CAN GET FROM ANY ONE!! ENEV SMALL LITTLE SHORT PHARSES IM REALI VERI HAPPY!!!..why do siong n ann have but i dont??why can they share their problems peacefully with u guys n ma pa ..but why wheneva i wna tel u im rejected by scarstic remarks??

ma pa kor di..it seems like it a proper family wothout my exisit..im reali sad to say that..its reali how i feel abt now..

ITS REALI A BET THAT I HAVE PLAYED N I HAVE LOST IN THIS BET..I LOST MY FAMILY ..SOMETHING WHICH I DESIRE THE MOST!! NOTHIN CAN REALI BE COMPARED TO THAT!!

im reali veri upset..im reali hiding my tears in front of everyone..i need to put up a strong me in others..but wat i wan is reali support, care n love..i wish to be like my brothers..able to be have care from pa n ma..leavin in a life like that reali hurts..i relai wants to be like everyone else out there..a simple gal..someone with a family hu cares..some one u is free n esy from trouble..n someone with a healthy health condition..but i know i can nve b..im now jus a gerl ..plaugh with medical history..a time bomb that wil explode anythin..one hu dont have much care from her family..n some one hu dont noe hu she is..!!! i told my self that i wil nve hurt myself physically no matter wat..i told myself i will nt do silly things..but ..i jus did it yesterdae..im sorry..

HUBBY , its just 3 words , 8 letters , 1 meaning - I ⓛⓞⓥⓔ YOU !!!
` [[ BABYvan ]] ♥
11:47 PM

Saturday, September 23, 2006

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